number one. pigeons.
filthy little more often than not deformed birds. i'm pretty sure at least 73% are hiv positive too and are just waiting for me to not run after them and kick at them so they can gang up behind me and claw my face when i'm least expecting. those little beady eyes creep the hell out of me and you're kidding yourself if you think they don't know exactly where they're taking a dump.
number two. bluetooth cell phone things.
i hate them. plain and simple. i walk down the street and someone behind me says something loudly and i turn and look, thinking the guy is hollering at me and he just stands there looking at me like i'm the jerk. if you're talking on a phone, use a phone. more times than not i think people are just talking to themselves too which is super weird and creepy and not cool. this isn't even an excuse for people in cars. forget those stupid laws. if you can't drive and talk at the same time then you shouldn't be allowed to walk up and down stairs for your own safety. don't even try the distraction argument, a radio was in the car way before a phone and you have to look down to mess with that... way worse than staring straight ahead and talking. and if you have trouble driving with only one hand then life's just going to be such a bummer for you that i'd suggest staying in bed and watching oprah on tv all day rolling over every once in a while so that you don't get bedsores.
three. people that walk around with their phones playing loud, tinny sounding, crappy music.
i actually think that sums itself up pretty well. get some headphones. nobody wants to hear swede-pop techno at 9 in the morning on the metro courtesy of some asian looking dude sitting in the corner attending his own private concert. seriously man.
four. names.
they're weird. i was talking with nancy about this earlier and it makes sense, but is still strange to me. names are contrived things that are made in reference to something that's not the name at all but something completely and entirely separate and different.
five. dogs that wear clothes.
especially little dogs. little dogs are awful. rats on leashes. they're like little pet mice but a little bigger and a lot lamer because at least mice are mice and in a pinch you can let them go in someone's house you don't like very much. but these things are especially obnoxious when they are dressed up with a plaid sweater or any other sort of lame attempt to hide their inherent lameness. it's awful. if you're really that desperate then just have another kid. or adopt one. at least they can talk.
six. different languages.
sure they're fun to learn and when you finally get one you feel like a real champ, but really what's the need. if everyone had a common language then everything would be peachy. i understand that lots of diversity of culture and tradition would be lost if all languages were assimilated into one, but just think of how amazingly easy it would be to buy a pair of pants in a different country. i'm not sure if i buy into the whole tower of babble thing but if it's true then god sure is one vindictive dude.
seven. fashion.
it's stupid. look like this guy and you win.
that's all.
1 comment:
ok i have a couple things to say. i'll put it in an itemized list, which is a format you seem to understand.
1. why don't you use exclamation marks!!!!
2. Thanks for the shout out!
3. i wish i loved my roommate's little white dog, but the truth is, it's worse than microwaveable burritos!
4. fashion isn't that bad. i have a blog on it, AHEM HEM. you just have to be the kind of person who grew up sifting through a bunch of cheap shit at Marshall's. (me)
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